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I wasn't expecting to be writing about my biracial marriage so soon, but after our trip from Hawaii to New York, I was compelled to share. My husband and I have been married for almost three years and share one child together. I will tell you that people always ask us how we met and how many years we have been married right off the bat. A lot of people assume I got 'knocked-up' outside of marriage, which led us to walk down the aisle, but that just isn't our story. People tend to project a lot of the stereotypes of white women being with a black man on to me; the assumption that white girls who are with black men are 'easy' or 'loose', uneducated, lazy, a gold digger, a 'black ball' (something is seriously wrong with me), or that I couldn't find a white guy. These assumptions are just to name a few stereotypes that I have had painted on me.
It really is kind of funny to see how people love or hate us; people either tend to try really hard to prove to Ben and I they aren't racist/prejudice by over trying, or they hate us and give us the most disgusted looks you could possibly imagine. I am still surprised at the amount of people that display contempt toward us and have no shame in letting us know with their facial expressions that they do not approve of our 'lifestyle'.
I think you have to have pretty thick skin and a loving heart to be in a biracial relationship, because you will constantly be judged by other people you don't know. People are conditioned at a young age to do things that are socially acceptable in their culture; they are to follow certain guidelines that their families give them. One of these guidelines is to never date a person outside of your race. If you are white, you can be friends with a black person, but you can never be in a relationship with them, let alone marry them. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where my parents were accepting and open to me being with a man from another race. My dad is the one person who actually encouraged me to pursue Ben. My mother always asked me how he was doing over the years and if I liked him, but I wasn't 100% sold on the idea until I felt supported by my parents. We tend to 'people-please' unconsciously and it's something I don't think will ever change.
During our recent travel, Ben and I experienced both of the above statements; that people love or hate us. I think a lot of people are curious as to how biracial couples get together and most assume the stereotypes that I listed because they just don't know how else it could happen.
Per usual, we were asked many questions by the people that 'love us' and wanted to know more about us; They wanted to know how we met. The people who hate us, greeted us with disgusted facial expressions. Unfortunately, the people who were disgusted with us are imprinted on my memory; their faces will eventually fade after time passes, but it is hard to forget when it first happens. I try not to take it personally when people disapprove of our relationship, but the truth is that is still hurts me to see how people can dislike something so much without ever giving us (biracial couples) a chance.
After almost three years of marriage, Ben and I have learned to laugh it off or not discuss it all together. We go through it so much that it has become the norm for us; it seems trivial to bring it up. I fell in love with my husband for the man he is not for what he is. Yes, it does help that he is educated and handsome, but isn't that what we look for in a spouse? I was looking for a man I could relate to and someone that could take care of me and make me feel safe. I wanted a man who was strong in his faith and respected his family. I found all of this in Ben and that is why I married him. His skin color happens to be darker than mine, but my love for him is based on his character. So yes, I love a man that is black and his black skin has become a part of me.